TONTERIA - A MEXICAN MADHOUSE IN CHELSEA, LONDON

At Tonteria club, there’s a wall with a red light sign. The sign says, “Hell is empty and all the Devils are here.” We find this quote, originally written by William Shakespeare, to be an accurate description of what Tonteria is like. Located in the famous Sloane Square, the highly-exclusive London nightclub, Tonteria, is known as the Mexican madhouse for many reasons.

To start you off, this Chelsea bar is all about tequila. In addition to their insane tequila-based cocktails, they’ve got one of the broadest, rarest, and finest tequila selections in London. Of course, we all know what happens when tequila joins the party. If you’re up for a crazy sort of night, read on because a Tonteria table booking might be just what you need.

What’s the Vibe Like?

Tonteria is a Spanish word that means foolishness or madness. In other words, everything inside Tonteria club is either an integral part of Mexican culture, ridiculously crazy, or all of the above.

Atmosphere

Tonteria club heavily draws upon Mexican culture for inspiration, and by heavily we mean entirely: from the cocktails to the giant calavera (decorated skull) in the middle of the club. Once you step through the doors, we guarantee you’ll spend a few seconds trying to take it all in. Vines climbing on walls and crawling across cream ceilings, a huge painting of Santa Maria (Virgin Mary), crate-shaped wooden tables, and calaveras of all shapes and sizes.

How they re-created the water damage in the walls - common in Mexico due to humidity - says all there is to say about Tonteria’s attention to detail. Nevertheless, Tonteria is more than just a representation of Mexican culture. Their simple lighting, mostly from small or hidden sources, creates a dimmed atmosphere perfect for partying - out loud with a crowd or on the down-low with a special person.

As for the madness of it all, in addition to their nightly activities, Tonteria brings to the table their legendary shot train - quite literally. It’s a toy train that comes to your Tonteria VIP table, carrying on it your shot glasses. Not to mention, Tonteria is the only nightclub in London so far where you get to pick up a luchador mask on the way in.

Layout

The Tonteria club table map is very simple and is designed in such a way that no one ever regrets a Tonteria table booking. Tonteria is divided into two sections. The club’s entrance leads into the first (main) section, a spacious dance floor surrounded by tables. The second section is right past the first. It’s where you’ll find the main bar, the shots bar, and right between them, you’ll find a private area for those with Tonteria VIP table bookings.

Crowd

The Tonteria crowd is most famously known for where they come from, and that is all over Europe. Not only that, but they are also quite wealthy and classy without all the pretentiousness that comes with those things. Everyone in Tonteria, without exception, comes to party their bums off and that’s exactly what they do. This includes the Tonteria celebrities, too. From Jessie J and Brooklyn Beckham to Princess Eugenie and Princes William and Harry.

The Nights at Tonteria Club

The nights at Tonteria club are filled with many handcrafted cocktails, like “Lucky Luchador” and “Mayan Pyramid”, tonnes of tequila-powered fun, fire, snakes, lucha libre, and much more. You’ve got impressive nightly acts, hot and quite skilled male and female dancers, and topless bartenders. However, it is at the stroke of midnight when things get interesting.

This means everything from Tonteria parades and piñata shows to custom and one-time-only acts. Of course, don’t forget our favourite train since Thomas the Tank Engine, the “Tonteria Express” which comes bearing shots during bottle shows. To get the most out of your experience, we recommend you get a Tonteria table booking or join the Tonteria guestlist on Monday nights. While all their nights are amazing, the club is famous for its Muertos Mondays.

Music at Tonteria

The resident DJ at Tonteria club blasts out a combination of house tracks and commercial music. It’s their way of making sure you’re dancing your heart out to both new music and familiar music.

How to Get into Tonteria?

If you want a venue for a private event, Tonteria club offers you the option of booking the entire place. However, if you’re just an individual or a group, it means you’ll have to stand in line behind many others, but given that the club is highly-exclusive, your chances are slim.

If you want to make it inside and avoid the long and pointless queue, we suggest you either join the Tonteria guestlist (best for ladies and small groups) or get a Tonteria table booking (best for gents and larger groups). As always, the earlier you contact us, the better your chances will be at finding an available table.

If you’d prefer a VIP table rather than a standard table, be sure to let us know.

Tonteria Club Entry Prices

The standard Tonteria club entry fee is £20 for ladies and gents, but this fee is subject to change depending on a few factors. Special occasions, high and low seasons, and guest performers can all influence the entry free.

Tonteria Club Dress Code

It goes without saying that no outfit is too crazy for Tonteria club, but there are some guidelines that you should follow. The Tonteria dress code suggests you dress glamorously.

For ladies, this means elegant dresses or chic tops and pants, as well as high heels.

For gents, ties are optional, but dressing sharp isn’t. Your best bet is going with dress shirts, classic or smart trousers, and classy shoes. Vests are also optional, but they add a touch of flavour, so don’t hesitate to put one on.

Opening Hours

Monday: 11:00 PM* - 4:00 AM

Thursday: 11:00 PM* - 4:00 AM

Friday: 11:00 PM* - 4:00 AM

Saturday: 11:00 PM* - 4:00 AM

*The club doors open from 11:00 PM, but La Taqueria, Tonteria’s tacos & tequila pre-party dinner option is available from 8:00 PM to 10:30 PM

Partying at Tonteria club means you’ll wake up the next morning with vague memories of a legendary time. If you’re in desperate need of an intensely fun experience, book your Tonteria table now, or join the Tonteria guestlist, and we’ll help take care of your arrangements for the night. If you have any questions, we’re always a text away.